Promises, Promises: How to Stop Lying to Yourself and Start Following Through on Your Word

I have always considered myself an honest, real person.

I say what I mean, and I mean what I say.

But I noticed increasingly more and more often that I would slack off in that arena when it came to commitments I made to myself. I would declare I was going to start or finish a task/project/commitment, and then remember about it weeks later when I had not followed through, or sometimes even started.

In a world filled with promises, the phrase “I’m going to…” often echoes with good intentions.

From personal goals to professional commitments, we all love to declare our plans with enthusiasm. It feels good when we have that positive venom flowing through our veins, pumping us up.

Stating something with conviction is powerful.

But the unfortunate truth is that so many of these declarations remain mere words and never materialize into actions.

This frankly bugs the hell out of me.

I hate it when I see others do it, and I hate it even more when I do it myself.

We’ve all been there. Every January. Or maybe after a doctor’s appointment. Or doing your banking for the month and feeling a little grim about it. “I’m gonna…(insert solution to said problem (___here___).

i.e.: Start that side hustle I’ve been considering for a couple years, quit staying up too late, lose weight, etc.

There’s a psychology behind why we often say we’ll do something but fail to follow through. It usually begins with the initial surge of motivation or inspiration, which floods our system with all kinds of sweet, juicy neurochemicals.

This could stem from envy of a peer’s recent achievement (weight loss, promotion), or maybe some burst of motivation from a book or video clip.

I can do this! I’m GONNA do this!!

The excitement of a new idea or goal often prompts us to announce our intentions, which is great because this creates a sense of accountability.

However, as time progresses, that initial spark of energy wanes, and the challenge of turning words into actions becomes more apparent-

“oh wait I have to make all these changes and get out of my comfort zone to do this? Ummmmm….. Couch and pizza sound niiiiiiiiiiice.”

I believe one common culprit for this folly is over-commitment. In our eagerness to please others or meet societal expectations, we often take on more than we can handle at once.

Haven’t you ever fallen victim to the old ‘oh, I should’ or ‘it’s the right thing to do,’ feelings?

But then when it comes down to it, we’re tired from work, we haven’t sat down all day, and our feet hurt. The “I’m gonna workout tonight” turns into “I’ll workout in the morning,” and then guess what happens when you’re tired in the morning?

This can lead to a backlog of unfulfilled promises, causing you to become frustrated with a lack of results as well as disappointment in yourself.

When we are expecting results and they are not coming, it sucks and nobody likes that feeling.

This also plays a significant role in our lack of action towards commitments. The pressure to succeed can be paralyzing, causing people to avoid taking the necessary steps to turn their words into reality.

It’s easier to save face by never attempting the task than to risk falling short of expectations.

Procrastination, another silent saboteur, often sneaks in and convinces us that we have plenty of time to fulfill our promises. But then, alas, days turn into weeks, and weeks into months.

Next thing you know you are questioning going out to celebrate New Year’s because… wait what did we do this year? What are we celebrating?

But maybe by that point, the original commitment you made has become a distant memory, and we feel safe and cozy in our comfort zone again.

So what is the long-term effect of letting the gap between words and actions widen?

Essentially, we erode the trust and credibility within ourselves.

And this can be fatal to our confidence, self-esteem, and mental health.

To break free from the cycle of unfulfilled promises, here are a few critical steps to cultivate a habit of accountability:

I personally am quite the procrastinator sometimes and often am just too lazy to get up and do the thing.

However, I noticed that when I remind myself of the end results and future benefits, as well as set a deadline, I find myself just that much more willing to make the effort.

We are going to fail sometimes. Or just flat-out not try. So when we do bail out on some promised plans, it’s essential to embrace failure as a stepping stone rather than a stumbling block, and just accept that it was part of the plan.

It doesn’t make you worthless, and you can try again the next time. Self-acceptance is more valuable than gold in these situations.

Nobody is perfect, but fostering a growth mindset that encourages continuous improvement can help give us better odds of completion the next time around.

If circumstances change or priorities shift, keeping others in the loop prevents misunderstandings and helps build trust.

When you say you are going to do something, you should do it, and expect others to expect you to do it as well.

Do you consider yourself a man or woman of your word?

And when something does changes along the way, just voice it to everyone concerned, whether to yourself or someone else.

A simple text or email of: “Hey, I am adjusting my goals and/or deadlines on this project. Here is an updated version of who/how/what/why and when.”

Even self-acknowledgement is powerful: you will have less disappointment and more understanding that you needed to pivot because of a change in priorities.

When possible, make these communications clear, and as soon as possible.

Don’t put this off until the last minute.

It’s more likely you will suffer less detrimental effects in relationships and credibility when you give advance notice of any pivoting plans, vs eleventh hour excuses.

Regularly revisiting and reassessing goals ensures they remain relevant and achievable. This means with yourself as well.

I have friends who I know are going to show up if we make plans (shout out to the homies). Then there are the friends who may come by, if and when it’s convenient for them, but you don’t really know for sure.

Those friends are not nearly as awesome to have in your life.

Which are you, and which do you want to be?

If you want to build a reputation as a reliable person, you’re gonna have to not only talk the talk but walk the walk.

When we understand the psychology behind unfulfilled promises and take proactive steps to bridge the gap between words and actions, then we can start to take control of our lives.

Your word should be something sacred that people can rely on and trust in.

In a world with deep fakes and mistrust worldwide, reliability in someone is a breath of fresh air.

This especially goes for friends, significant others, and parent-child bonds.

Be a person that can be counted on. I know I am, and it is one of my qualities that I take the most pride in. I consider my word worth its weight in gold. How about you?